3 Weeks Till Melbourne!!!

Damn time is flying! I’ve booked my ticket to Melbourne and will be on route in only 3 weeks time.

I’ve been furiously looking for long term accommodation in Melbourne, but am rather hesitant to commit to something >3 months especially if my head hunter cannot find something for ~5-5.5 months (I’ll be heading back to YYC in May/June for a few weeks for a friend’s wedding). My nerves are starting to get to me, and honestly if I didn’t have the L-Theanine kick I think I would be a puddle of mush underneath my covers. Actually I know that for certain -I took an L-Theanine vacation over the weekend and fell into a pit of nothingness. After a good first day of L-Theanine vacation hiking Nihani Ridge Trail near Bragg Creek, my second day consisted of nothing more than waking up and staring dimly at my PC screen while unfulfilling shows and movies flashed across it.

Lately I’ve been trying to get my body onto the Melbourne timezone. I’ve decided to hell with a slow adjustment -let’s jump head first into it. The last 24 hours I’ve been nearly on the OZ timezone having going to bed at 2-3am GMT (8-9pm AEDT) and waking up at 12pm (7am AEDT). The longer sleep periods must be a consequence of my L-Theanine vacation, as I have fore the most part gotten used to a 4 hour schedule with 2-1.5 hour naps to keep my energy up. My goal is to keep this sleep schedule until I leave meaning that there will be minimal downtime when I’m in Australia.

As for my life here in YYC. I’m afraid that I haven’t been able to find quality tenants to rent out the remaining rooms in my house. I’m quite concerned about cash flow, but thanks to a little help from my mom (she gave me my inheritance early!!!) I’ll be able to cover more than a year’s worth of mortgage payments. I’m fairly well covered on my YYC finances, and if I can get a decent paying full time job in MEL (>$25AUD) I’ll be able to cover my day to day and put a bit away in my savings. I’m a bit conflicted about having a going away party: I really feel like if there were to be any celebrations that it should be occurring organically/spontaneously, while on the other hand I’m sure to alienate friends who are expecting a hearty goodbye. To complicate matters further, nearly every weekend is full up with events meaning I would likely be stealing (the proverbial) thunder from friend’s birthdays and other celebrations. Troubling. I’ll have to put some thought into the matter going forward to determine what I should do.

Halloween Movie Night 2016

The Return of the Living Dead

Freddy: “Hey does this thing leak?” Frank: “Leak? Hell no it’s made by the US army corps of engineers.” *Taps tank *Tank explodes zombie gas *Americans die (presumably)

Random sexy teen: “Do you ever wonder about the different ways of dying? The worst way would be a bunch of old men around me biting and eatting me alive… First they would tear my clothes off” *Takes off all her clothes in a cemetary

Freddy: “The only thing that will relieve this horrible suffering. Live…. BRAAAAAIIIIIIIINS!”

imagesThe Army of Darkness

Random Guy: “To the pit with him!!!” Ash: “You miserable bastards!!!”

*Little kids beating Ash with sticks & laughing A: “Stop it you bastards. You little cretins!! Argh!!!!” *Ash crawls out of pit A: “Who wants some? You!” *points to old balding guy A: “You want some more? Huh? You want a little? Do you?” *shoves old guy

A: “Klaatu Barada N… Necktie… Neckturn… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word! Klaatu… Barada… N…” *coughs A: “Ok then. That’s it.”


Tucker and Dale vs Evil

Tucker: “You gotta have some faith in yourself. Girls can smell fear. You’re a good looking man… more or less. Whatever you just just smile and laugh. It shows confidence.” *walks up to hot girl #1 with a scythe *cue ominous music Dale: “You guys going camping? hehehehe hehehe hehe”

T: “Hello officer, we’ve had a doozy of a day. Here we are minding our own business, just doing chores, when these kids started killing themselves all over my property.”

D: “I know what this is. Its a suicide pact. These kids are coming out here, and killing themselves all over the woods.” “Oh my god. That makes so much sense.”

Note:  This movie is HILARIOUS!!! It poses the question what if every slasher move had it all wrong and the “villain” was just trying to save these clueless and clumsy teens from accidentally killing themselves.


John Carpenter’s The Fog

Random Guy: “it is told by the fishermen, and their fathers and grandfathers, that when the fog returns to Antonio Bay, the men at the bottom of the sea, out in the water by Spivey Point will rise up and search for the campfire that led them to their dark, icy death.”


A Nightmare on Elm Street

Freddie: “I’m you’re boyfriend now Nancy.” *tongue shoots out of the phone *Johnny Depp falls asleep –you ass you had one job!!!

Nancy: “Help I’ve got him trapped and he’s trying to kill me!” Officer: “Everything’s going to be alright. Its under control.” N: “He’s in here don’t let him kill me!!!” O: *presumibly shrugs and continues to stand around on the street corner. N: “Help! Please!” O: “Better get the lieutenant…” -savage officer. completely savage.

today’s play of the day goes to this clueless butthole

Depression, Energy, & L-Theanine – An Experiment in Motivation

Foreword: In my previous post on depression (Depression at 30) I was determined that I should be taking some sort of action to lighten my invisible shackles. And after a bit of light research I’ve been dosing myself with L-Theanine to determine what effect this would have on my motivation, energy levels, and overall mood. I’ve used a quasi-scientific method in order to track my qualitative (unquantifiable) results.

Problem: What effect will 1-225mg dose of L-Theanine (L-Thea) taken with ~150mg of caffeine (in the form of 2 cups of brewed coffee) do to my motivation and energy levels (tracked against professional, health & social aspects for the purposes of this experiment)?

Hypothesis: the L-Thea & coffee dosing will positively impact energy and goal completion in the 3 tracked aspects (professional, health & social) will noticeably increase.


  1. Take Synthroid 125mg within 1 hour of wake up
  2. Brew coffee with standard approach approximating 150mg of caffeine
    1. boil ~350ml of water
    2. take off heat for 60seconds
    3. put 2 tbsp of McD’s coffee grounds in french press & add boiled water
    4. add ~3tbsp of PC brand Cream First – Vanilla Bean ice cream to thermos
    5. after 120seconds of steeping stop brewing and add coffee to thermos
  3. Take L-Thea with coffee
  4. Finish coffee within 30minutes of L-Thea dose
  5. Observe effects over 7day experiment window
  6. Break from Caffeine & L-Thea for the next 7days
  7. Continue to observe and record results

*a full account of daily observations will be made at a later date

Day 1:

  • dizziness from 5-45minutes post dose (p.d.)
  • coffee completed within 15min
  • auto-pilot feeling while driving
  • coffee poop @ 2hours
  • work
    • roommate ad
    • kijiji ads
    • clean out Room #2
    • run
  • tried watching anime while working
    • ignored anime, but was able to pick up major plot points
    • better task switching ability
  • require mental breaks after 1.75-2hours of work
  • energy drops after 4.5-5hours

Day 2:

  • dizziness 10-25minutes p.d.
  • coffee completed within 15min
  • coffee poop @ 2hours
  • work
    • wordpress post
    • F650GS ad replies
    • Room #2 clean out
  • 2nd coffee dose @ 4 hours -protein shake
  • distraction and motivation drops after hours

Day 3:

  • no apparent dizziness within first 30min
  • amend coffee intake to over the course of 1hour
  • work
    • Australia licensing
    • MC/car options on Gumtree
    • Shaw callback
    • DIY squat rack
    • take Phil’s bike to the shop
    • Room #3 planning
    • run

Day 4:

  • work
    • Australia info
    • DRZ400 reviews
  • PC gaming experiment
    • better K/D ratio
    • lower interest in gaming

Day 5:

  • work
    • healthcare work
    • Room #3 move in
    • Mon & Dad’s washer/dryer
    • house purchases
    • EI submit

Day 6:

  • science centre w/ the fam

Day 7:

  • rest day

Day 8 (no caffeine or L-Thea start):

  • work
    • Skype interview
    • Room #3 clean
    • replace Room #3 locks
    • heavy bag
    • EFT’s
    • guitar

Day 9:

  • exhaustion & movies
  • didn’t get out of bed
  • easily stressed -spent 1+hour worrying if I should callback Shaw

Day  10:

  • exhaustion & movies
  • didn’t get out of bed

Day 11:

  • work
    • Shaw callback
    • Mom’s car check
  • exhaustion & movies
  • minimal work completion

Day 12:

  • work
    • heavy bag
    • yoga
    • guitar

Day 13:

  • work
    • Tea Trader pick up

Day 14:

  • rest day


The L-Theanine & caffeine combination does positively affect my energy and motivation levels. Over the 7 day observable period dosing with caffeine & L-Thea led to a significant number of objectives were met with both mental and physical energy to spare. I had an inextricable rash appear on my body, but that is most likely due to either a coffee allergy or my multivitamins.

The 7 day period involving no caffeine & L-Thea led to a significant reduction in energy & motivation. I was so messed up that I really wasn’t able to do very much. My rash has dissipated over the course of the week, but I need to conduct an experiment to determine if it is from the coffee or vitamins.

The experiment is a resounding success. Starting on Monday I will start a regular course taking my Synthroid as soon as I wake up, waiting 30 minutes to take the L-Thea with black tea instead of coffee. I will take additional doses of caffeine (Pu Erh Tea/green tea) regularly throughout the day.

Homemade Squat Rack Build: Progress Update, Proposed Fixes & Upgrades

19 October 2016

I’ve got a critical issue with my proposed build that have stalled my progress:

  • the 1-1/4″ holes that I’ve drilled through the 2×6’s aren’t straight
  • I can’t find a bolt big enough to use as a rack

These problems are pretty significant (at least for me). This means that the spotter racks aren’t straight and would lead to unpredictable rolling of a potentially hazardous amounts of weight. It also means that I can’t actually find a viable solution to rack the weight!!!

I’m proposing a number of changes to the core build that will allow even greater strength and uniformity.

  1. sub the doubled 2×6’s for >3×3 perforated square tube
  2. add additional support to the top of the rack

The perforated square tube would rest on the 2×6 bottom then be secured by 2×6’s on either side. I would need 2 sets of really long bolts that would be the same diameter as the perforations. This change would greatly add the strength of this rack, with the major weak spots being the joints where the square tube meets the 2×6’s.

The additional support would entail similar securing as the bottom then would go straight across and be secured to the 2×4 studs in the wall. The whole rack would be immovable and could be considered a semi permanent fixture.

I will need to price out 4-80″ 3×3 perforated square tubes to see if this is a possible fix for my build. I’m a bit busy with cleaning out the extra rooms and moving everything, so the pricing and the actual build will have to wait until next week at the earliest. I will update this post with additional costs as they become available.

Depression at 30

update: featured image credit to Shawn Coss [http://www.boredpanda.com/author/subconart/]

17 October 2016
Update: 18 October 2016

A part of me still can’t believe that I’m 30. If life is measured by accomplishments then I can’t help but believe that I’ve somehow fallen behind. How many of my bucket list goals have I met and accomplished in these past few years??? These last few months of (F)unemployment have not been very fun. I’ll have to admit to myself that I’ve been suffering from an undiagnosed case of depression (God that word sounds so… depressing). That’s what it is; no point in skirting around the reality of the situation any longer.

I still have goals and things that I need to do and I cannot get them done from underneath the covers of my bed, nor from binging behind a PC screen. I must find a way to force myself to be fully conscious and in the moment -I fear that for a majority of my adult life I have only lived a half life in an inebriated stupor and weighed down by my very own body.

hold up. I need to bring attention to this: the present continuous conjugation of binge is binging… BINGING!!! English is so weird!

I have suffered from depression (I really hate that word) through out high school and university, though have never been clinically diagnosed or have sought out treatment. I have suffered on believing that my state is normal, lying to myself and reiterating that my dearth of energy is one that can simply be solved with sufficient determination. I would look at others in envy of their seemingly boundless energy and their hearty strength of character, then slink away to the shadow of my sullen and barren domain. I was shackled by my very own body.

For too long I have pushed down and skillfully hidden those feelings of self contempt. I brandished them only to myself and held them close as if the were some source of toxic pride, as though saying to the world ‘Here I am! I suffer! I live!’. But the truth is that this was merely an excuse. I didn’t want help, I didn’t want to admit that I was so weak willed and that I was not the master of my own body. I chose to maintain a decaying lie instead of building a future.

Suffice to say, failure was the common and normal circumstance; lasting results was few if non existent. Moments of sobering clarity would fade away leaving me a sullen husk. These energizing sparks that are a supposed to be a permanent catharsis -a signal of inspiration and major life change, were fleeting moments that wouldn’t last. It was never long until I would sink and fall back into this cursed stupor. It was never long before I was a walking zombie; trudging through an endless existence with faint glimmers and sparks of clarity is no way to live.

How much of my personal and psychological development has been stunted??? Why had I never sought out help before??? When will I gain control of my life??? Where would I be in my bucket list??? What adventures did I miss out on??? Who were the great loves that I was too tired to meet???

This time I have to find a way to make this spark last. I have to finally come to terms with the realization that I cannot do this as I am now. It’s time to accept that as I am now I won’t be able to complete my life’s work, that I could potentially be trudging through the remaining years of my life as I have with my first 30. I have to accept that I will need a crutch in order to move forward -with a crutch I’ll be able to move forward… somehow.

30 Years Old

13 October 2016

I turn 30 tomorrow…

This is a sobering moment for me. How long have I lived my life with the thought that there will be unlimited tomorrows? That my life would have no end? Where I could waste my days and still have time make experiences later?

Somehow I’ve been living life wrong. My life isn’t my own. It’s the media’s, the society’s, the fear of failure’s. I’ve been living for 30 years now -barring any major incidents this half my life, a third if I’m lucky. I’ve consumed more media than I care to relive and those memories are far from substantial.

I spent 30 hours on Helldivers over the past few days. I binge watched season 1 of Freakish (5.5 hours). I must have spent countless hours binge watching random TV shows. Honestly the plots of these TV shows are largely forgettable. Games, TV -all instant access media really, are unbelievably satisfying but lack any substance. The feeling of completing some random objective, the satisfaction of completing a show and the thought of finishing next one -pure bliss.

Substance. I’ve used that word twice now. What does it mean? A quantifiable definition is one thing, but I speak of a qualitative aspect -a feeling, maybe an experience? I’ll have to revisit this in the future.

I need to find a new way to live and I need to find a way to stick to it.

06 October 2016

Day 2 of my DIY Squat Rack build.

On today’s agenda: drilling out 1-1/4″ holes for the spotter racks.

I increased the hole size to 1-1/4″ as I was having trouble getting straight hole. The increased size should help the spotter racks slide in parallel to the ground.


I tried Breyer’s Ice Cream today… thought it would be nice to mix things up from my regular brand (PC Cream First French Vanilla). It tastes like garbage and I want to puke.

Doing a bit of research Breyer’s can no longer be legally called ice cream. Is this a real thing??? I’ve included some notable articles and reddit posts below.

I think you get the picture.

[In case you were wondering] what I meant by ‘Breyer’s tastes like garbage’ after having a bowl I immediately threw the whole thing into the garbage. Where it belongs. Taste: not cream that’s for sure. Possibly a mixture of some kind of highly processed milk substitute? Texture: how I’d imagine the stay puft marshmallow man’s cum would be. Satisfaction level: like ramming a fist through my colon (near immediate use of the toilet was necessary).


“eat my cummmmmm!!!!”

Scary Movie Night #2: Bruce Campbell

notable scenes:


04 October 2016

Day 1 of the squat rack build & pick up of a used 6′ 200lb heavy bag.

I’ve started the build of a DIY squat rack. Once again the inspiration of has been taken from www.home-gym-bodybuilding.com.

Today I’ve put together all of the parts that will be supporting the weight of the Olympic bar. The process involves cutting 8 2×6’s to 78″ and doubling them up. I had to drilled pilot holes and countersinks for each screw. The drill bit kept skipping since I couldn’t find the chuck to tighten the bit, and I had to make absolutely certain of my measurements and that everything lined up.

I’ve measured out all the 1-1/8″ holes for the spotter bars, ensuring that everything is nice and centred. Tomorrow I’ll be drilling these out and then framing up everything up in my basement. My only concern will be drilling straight so everything lines up without issue.

Yesterday I found this little gem on kijiji.

6′ 200lb heavy bag for $60? Fuck yes!

Tomorrow I’ll plan up a method to hang it. I’ll need some new chains, a swiveling pivot, and 3 100lb anchor points.

Scary Movie Night 1: Hellraiser & Jacob’s Ladder

Notable scenes of the night:

Ladies and gentlemen. A cockblock for the ages.
did Hellraiser just deep throat that chick?
Movie: come to daddy. Me: this guy has issues…
guy has asian eyes now… should I be upset?
shit Steve do you even puzzle box noob?
holy shit Macaulay Culkin!

02 October 2016

Chocolate chip cookies!

This is a quest. An inquiry into what makes a chocolate chip cookie.

For all its simplicity there are many different forms that a chocolate chip cookie can take. Small changes in ingredients and prep can make all the difference; turning a flat cookie into one with form; a tender cookie into a chewy one. This will be first chocolate chip cookies I have ever made. Let’s see what I can do.


  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 cup honey
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 2tbs margarine (I needed to use it up)
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2tsp baking powder
  • 1/2tsp kosher salt (all I have)
  • 2 cups milk chocolate chips
  1. Mix dry ingredients
  2. Cream honey & butter together (non melted)
  3. Add egg to honey/butter mix and mix through
  4. Make well in dry ingredients. Add wet ingredients and mix till just combined
  5. Add chocolate chips
  6. Drop heaping tbs onto wax paper
  7. Centre oven at 350F for 20min

Results: The first batch wasn’t done at 17min so I cooked for an additional 3min. These cookies are huge!!! They’re so puffy… look at these guys! I’ll make a minor adjustment and cook at a lower temperature which will hopefully give it a chance to spreadout a bit more.

Taste Test: these cookies are super moist and like mini cakes. It’s not a dipping cookie and more like a drink half a cup of milk with every bite. I put way too much chocolate -lol hence why I’m drinking so much almond milk right now.

Problem: cookies too cake like. Hypothesis: decreased temp will allow cookies to spreadout before setting. Method: decrease temp to 325F and increase time to 25min.

2nd batch adjustment

7. Centre oven at 325F for 25min

Results: The cookie was still not fully cooked after 25min so temp was raised back to 350F to bake until cooked (5min)- oops that may have been a little too long?

Taste Test: The crunchy outside contrasting with the soft and cake like inside is suuuuuper satisfying. I thought that the cookie had been baked for too long, but I was wrong. Really good stuff. I will try to replicate this going forward.

Comparison: I added more cookie batter to the second batch so the cookie comparisons may be skewed. The first batch wasn’t anything to phone home about, if anything the first batch was under cooked. The second was super satisfying, mostly because of the crunch and tender insides.

like ebony and ivory

02-Oct-2016 update: these cookies are extremely filling. after 3 I am absolutely stuffed. how I’m going to eat 16 of these monsters, I have no idea.

Adjustments to try on the next batch.

Problem: cookies are too cake like. Hypothesis (1): egg makes it too soft. Method (1): omit egg in next recipe. Hypothesis (2): solid honey & butter gives too much structure. Method (2): melt honey & butter before creaming together.

Problem (2): cookies are too rich. Hypothesis (2.1): richness is a factor of the amount of chocolate. Method (2.1): decrease chocolate by half.

Problem (3): salt unevenly distributed (cookie by cookie) but small concentrations are really tasty. Hypothesis (3.1): salt not getting to each individual cookie Method (3.1): sprinkling salt on each cookie will evenly distribute salt to each cookie.