Halloween Movie Night 2016

The Return of the Living Dead

Freddy: “Hey does this thing leak?” Frank: “Leak? Hell no it’s made by the US army corps of engineers.” *Taps tank *Tank explodes zombie gas *Americans die (presumably)

Random sexy teen: “Do you ever wonder about the different ways of dying? The worst way would be a bunch of old men around me biting and eatting me alive… First they would tear my clothes off” *Takes off all her clothes in a cemetary

Freddy: “The only thing that will relieve this horrible suffering. Live…. BRAAAAAIIIIIIIINS!”

imagesThe Army of Darkness

Random Guy: “To the pit with him!!!” Ash: “You miserable bastards!!!”

*Little kids beating Ash with sticks & laughing A: “Stop it you bastards. You little cretins!! Argh!!!!” *Ash crawls out of pit A: “Who wants some? You!” *points to old balding guy A: “You want some more? Huh? You want a little? Do you?” *shoves old guy

A: “Klaatu Barada N… Necktie… Neckturn… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word! Klaatu… Barada… N…” *coughs A: “Ok then. That’s it.”


Tucker and Dale vs Evil

Tucker: “You gotta have some faith in yourself. Girls can smell fear. You’re a good looking man… more or less. Whatever you just just smile and laugh. It shows confidence.” *walks up to hot girl #1 with a scythe *cue ominous music Dale: “You guys going camping? hehehehe hehehe hehe”

T: “Hello officer, we’ve had a doozy of a day. Here we are minding our own business, just doing chores, when these kids started killing themselves all over my property.”

D: “I know what this is. Its a suicide pact. These kids are coming out here, and killing themselves all over the woods.” “Oh my god. That makes so much sense.”

Note:  This movie is HILARIOUS!!! It poses the question what if every slasher move had it all wrong and the “villain” was just trying to save these clueless and clumsy teens from accidentally killing themselves.


John Carpenter’s The Fog

Random Guy: “it is told by the fishermen, and their fathers and grandfathers, that when the fog returns to Antonio Bay, the men at the bottom of the sea, out in the water by Spivey Point will rise up and search for the campfire that led them to their dark, icy death.”


A Nightmare on Elm Street

Freddie: “I’m you’re boyfriend now Nancy.” *tongue shoots out of the phone *Johnny Depp falls asleep –you ass you had one job!!!

Nancy: “Help I’ve got him trapped and he’s trying to kill me!” Officer: “Everything’s going to be alright. Its under control.” N: “He’s in here don’t let him kill me!!!” O: *presumibly shrugs and continues to stand around on the street corner. N: “Help! Please!” O: “Better get the lieutenant…” -savage officer. completely savage.

today’s play of the day goes to this clueless butthole

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